Sorry its been so long

   <3 there has been so much going on in my life. i had a very hard and sad funeral yesturday and i have another next week... the sadness has kept me in a "Not hungry" mood though and i weigh 183lbs =] thats about all i can lift my head up for lately.

I need to get my hands on some adderall or some type of stimulant that destroys my appetite...

I actually laughed at this the first time i saw it but now... I want to follow it. Idk about the smoking part. If i can find a way out of smoking when i'm down to my goal weight then of course but addictions like smoking are never that easy =(
... I think... I'll think about it some more, especially if i'll turn out like this

If i don't find a way to quit soon after, i'll end up looking like this:

I'm always going to be battling with myself on this one, should i smoke, or should i not smoke...