Fail!

Everything was going so well. I took a nap a while after the oatmeal and I woke up just plain sick. My head was throbbing and so I figured it was because i was hungry. My brother came home with some taco bell and I took two bites. I felt so much better.

"Ok, this is where i stop. Put down the burrito"

Then I proceeded to eat half, then the whole thing. This one burrito couldn't have hurt me so bad, wheres that other one.

I had TWO friggin burritos. I felt so guilty. I decided to try and purge it. I couldn't let those nasty burritos run around in my stomach and do what ever they pleased in there! It didn't work...

I couldn't get anything out just a lot of spit and VERY little burrito. I guess I know next time not to run around scared when I binge and take action immediately or else it will stay down. I know now that I can do it.

If I were to binge and purge, I'd haft to set some rules like not purging unless I had an extreme uncontrollable binge like the one I just had. I wish I was as strong as I was in 10th grade; I really had complete control then especially in the summer. I could knock out ABC diets like it was nothing... now look at me.

I should beat myself over this no longer! I'm still on this train and I wont stop until I reach my goal! Oh I'm finally getting a workout machine! When my mom gets her tax return, she said she'll dish out no more than $250 on a treadmill or an elliptical.

It would be so awesome if I got that elliptical and workout every day after school. One with a bike seat so I can sit down when I really need to and still keep going. Maybe workout for 10 minutes and recover with the bike seat for 1 minute.

I would haft to workout after I had a small snack because I will pass out lol. I can sit the machine in front of the TV and workout from the start to end of the Maury show XD, how awesome would that be! Then I can get back to doing my 100 crunches and 100 leg kicks a night routine. (After 2 1/2 weeks I didn't see any results so I gave up on it)

I'm still not sure if going Mia would be what I end up doing but its definitely an option. I mean, I watched intervention and these other shows that show how much it can destroy a person. What I fear the most out of it would be the destructive mind set and habits that it comes with which would be hard to break. I wish with destructive behaviors, there was this switch you can flip that'll turn off the obsessiveness when you finally reach your goal so you can function like you did before you started...